Monday, November 8, 2010

Letter to My Eyes

Dear Eyes:

Please stop pretending you're so much larger than you are. All because you are actually quite a bit smaller than most of my other organs, doesn't mean you have to get all worked up about it. So what if my stomach is several times larger than you? That does not give you the right to lie about your size and say, "Hey David, I'm big enough to know that you should not only order an appetizer, but you should also buy extra side items for your steak!!"

I appreciate you for trying to help eyes, but my stomach does a very good job telling me what my hunger level is. Whenever I listen to you, I spend double the money necessary and leave with a doggie bag that I'm almost guaranteed to throw away three weeks from now. I don't know what your problem is, but you must stop. I'm poor enough as it is...

Maybe... just maybe you don't have enough self esteem. You do know I count on you guys for a lot, right? If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be able to sit down for 12 hours straight, looking at a computer screen every day. I wouldn't be able to waste gas and drive to the theater to watch a movie that will inevitably let me down and force me to complain about wasting EVEN MORE money. I wouldn't be able to... ummmmm... I know there's something good here. I mean, there are sunsets and such, right? The leaves in the fall are kinda pretty... I dunno eyes, just act your size and we'll all be better off, okay?

Stay Classy,

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